TURN THE OTHER CHEEK: Five Ways to Let It All Go and Move On…

“The man who seeks revenge digs two graves.”  – Ken Kesey, from Sometimes a Great Notion

 

(Note: this is not an article about anything that needs legal attention, serious greviences that should not go unnoticed. Getting lawyers involved is perhaps a wise choice and I applaud the Erin Brokovich’s of the world, but in some instances, letting go – even if you know you would win the case – is the healthier way to go. My disclaimer. )

The office manager at my dentist told me a horrific story about why she does not get tax return money and how this fact is connected to her ex-husband’s responsibility for causing her son’s suicide. Her face was beet-red, spit came spraying out of her mouth, and slight tears pushed their way through her eyes. Her assitant and I stood there and listened, as we experienced a very awkward moment together while this woman condemed her ex-husband to eternal hell. And it made me think.

All the times I have had opportunities to go after a “bad guy” and didn’t, well, it has made me a better person. I learned long ago that anger and revenge only hurt me. I also learned that NOT expressing these emotions in a safe environment (like all alone in a room with my sister’s dog)… is like creating tiny cancer cells in my soul. Ugly stuff to express it, uglier to supress it, and even uglier to seek revenge. The way I see it, karma takes care of these things, as I am convinced that those who have been creepy, harmful, abusive, or damaging are not happy individuals, and they pay for these actions in many ways that are, frankly, none of my business. That’s between each person and the Universe.

So I got to thinking. My Christian sister talks about turning the other cheek, and she has had ample opportunities to do so. She reminds me that forgiveness and moving on are probably the most challenging things for anyone to do, and that it takes courage and maturity above all. Maybe I am not that advanced… I choose to forgive because I am all too aware of how I am only harming myself by engaging in revengeful and spiteful thoughts towards others – no matter how horrific the deeds have been done to me and to those I love. And, like most of us, I have some disturbing stories in which revenge would have probably been applauded by others.

Here are five ways I have learned to move on, turn the other cheek, and let the universe take care of the rest. Perhaps this will help someone out there who is about to further damage their own lives because of something that someone else did. At the very least, I hope this will inspire people to pause, just for a moment, before doing something they might regret down the line.

ONE: Express totally and deeply how F**CKED you feel. Let the snot run down your chin and spill over onto your bed. Do not keep these nasty emotions inside your body for one more precious minute of your life. If you have to do this 28 times for a year, keep on letting it go. Cry, scream, hit pillows, smash a tennis ball so hard it pops open. My mentors reminded me over and over again: there is a finite amount of negative emotion. It does and will stop. Keep letting it out. And they were right.

TWO: Turn the other cheek, literally. It’s called walking away, disengaging, releasing eye contact. Physically get yourself the heck outta there. Sometimes this means getting a divorce, quitting a high-paying job, leaving a home you love. Sometimes you will be the ONLY person in your circle of friends and family who thinks this way. But, it is the right thing to do for YOU. Walk away from the fire and you will no longer feel the burn.

THREE: If you don’t have patience in your life, then this is the one time you might need to find it hidden in your backbone. Character means having patience for how long things take. And it always takes longer than any of us are willing to wait for. The pain will go away, and if it doesn’t, it will subside and you can put it in a box somewhere in your brain. Visit it if you like, but that is only because you want to be right. And you probably are… but that is not the point. Get it?

FOUR: Unplug. You gotta unplug, no matter what. It doesn’t matter how busy or hectic your life feels, find the time to unplug. When the mind is calm, and intentions are focused and balanced, it is much harder to fight others with attorneys and court costs, not to mention the constant reminder that there is a legal battle going on… When we are somehow at peace with things, it seems easier to accept forgiveness. The heart is more open, and unpluging regularly helps keep it that way.

FIVE: Let’s go back to the real reason why I take the high road… it’s because ultimately feeling angry and resentful is hard work and harmful to me, and I’d rather just let go and start feeling better again. What the other person experiences is their karma. Ain’t mine. Preservation of my own sanity is more important than letting revenge harm my life. Karma, however you understand that concept according to your beliefs, is a wonder and nothing to fool with.

If we can’t let stuff go, we get sick inside. Sometimes invisibly. But it’s always there. That nagging weight at the back of your scalp is a sign. Turn the other cheek and sleep better at night. Let the Universe take care of the rest. And don’t forget to breathe.

For more information: www.velocitycoachingservices.com

CHANGE or DIE: What Will You Decide?

“Every body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a straight line, unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it.”  - Newton’s First Law of Motion, from the Principia‘s Latin

Steve Jobs, who is now sadly gone from our planet, said: “For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” For a man who dropped out of school, got fired from his job, and decided to succeed anyway, I sense that the core strength of this inspirational man is that he embraced change. No doubt kicking and screaming at times, but saying yes, nonetheless.

Newton observed that either in motion or at rest, FORCES will impress upon our lives the need to change. It is the most inevitable fact of life, and ultimately culminates in our departure, our death. Perhaps at the core of our resistance to change is our fear of death – getting deep here for a Sunday morning – but it does seem to be at least somewhat true. I see fear of change around me all the time: politics, families, relationships, companies, organizations, teams, ideas, conversations, my mind’s chatter. I see fear of change as the death of us all, and when the forces that Newton wrote about come pounding at my front door, I open it wide and say: Oh, it’s YOU again. Ok, if you must, come on in.

Then I brace myself for the ride ahead. Bumpy, volatile, scary as all get out.

I am currently working with a client who avoids change like nobody I have ever seen before. And he is highly skilled at hiding this fact, while he gives lip service to being on-board but secretly and insidiously thwarts all efforts to develop, engage in, and sustain intelligent change. Exhausting. I have been creating in my mind a game plan to diplomatically yet directly address his resistance and the cloudy way he acts as if he has gotten on the change train, but in reality is sitting on the platform, alone. I wonder if he understands that the train’s destination is almost always POSITIVE. I wonder if he understands that the FORCES of his professional life have already been impressed upon him and he can either change or die. In this case, death means hitting the glass ceiling of his career and eating the dust of the person next in line, who, by the way, is all about intelligent change even though this ambitious young man admits that it makes him feel exceedingly uncomfortable.

All the hours I spent in my life meditating and contemplating the fact of change, every moment, every inhale, every exhale… have perhaps twisted my perspective (in a good way) regarding change. I kind of get off on it now, most of the time anyway, and I wonder how I can empower others I work with to wake up, grow up, and say a holy yes to moving beyond inertia, beyond their status quo, and beyond “reality is how we do things around here.” One of Jung’s Six Human Needs is adventure which I interpret as including change, so that is how I have framed it. For my client who is alone on the train platform, I have decided to just tell the truth about what I see… then wait. I might show him this article and ask: does this sound like anybody you know? I might show him that his own inertia is creating some serious roadblocks at his company, no matter how smart, hard-working, and loyal he is – and he is, indeed, all of these things, too.

Control is futile. We can organize, plan, and execute accordingly, we can even convince ourselves that we are in control most of the time, but if we do not include change in our grand designs, we will get stuck. Newton’s forces will show us otherwise, and then the death of our best laid ideas is sure to follow. Finally, I ask myself when my own resistance gets out of hand: Michele, are you going to change or die? My answer: I am not ready to die just yet. After all, change is not as difficult to live with as being stuck and letting inertia suck the marrow out of my short life on this beautiful and complex Earth. Onwards.

For more information: www.VeloCityCoachingServices.com

AVOIDANCE vs DISENGAGEMENT: Five Ways to Reach the Neutral Zone

“Friends are helpful not only because they will listen to us, but because they will laugh at us; Through them we learn a little objectivity, a little modesty, a little courtesy; We learn the rules of life and become better players of the game.”  – Will Durant

All workplaces, even the highly functioning ones, face challenges with what coaches lovingly refer to as “difficult people”. Funny how upon listening to the pleas to fix these difficult people, those who are requesting assistance rarely include themselves in this group. For the record: we are ALL difficult people. Sometimes, anyway. A wise person once told me that conflict is a two-way street. She said: “We are all difficult people sometimes, right?! Even if you are convinced that it is all about them, take a moment and consider that you are also in the picture.” So I do.

First, take personal and professional responsibility for your part in the situation. Ask yourself if your actions, or lack of actions, have contributed in some way. Also ask yourself if your avoidance of the situation is not a neutral, balanced place, but instead adding more negative fuel to the fire. Avoiding something is the engagement of aversion, which is not neutral at all. It is the ostrich approach to conflict, and it only gets worse over time. Ask any marriage counselor or seasoned business coach who has the unfortunate task of cleaning up people’s messes after weeks and years of avoidance, and they will tell you that avoiding something causes harm, as much as the people who are yelling or bullying. Think about that.

Then, see if the situation calls for clarity, action, letting go, forgiveness, solutions, pushing for intelligent change, walking away – all of the above or none of the above. Another wise person once said: “If you are not a part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.” Ok, I get it that life, especially business life, is more complex than that, but the sentiment rings true. Years ago, I was introduced to a technique called disengagement that I believe is one of the best ways to solve interpersonal problems. Sometimes I confuse avoidance with disengagement and this gets me into trouble. Big time. But usually I can get to the heart of the matter, so that I and the situation I am in can move forward.

Here are five ways to reach this neutral zone I call disengagement. This takes practice, an honest assessment of our own participation, and the kind of high-road perspective that is needed for solution creation. This takes time, effort, patience and, above all, maturity. Ready to move forward and learn the art of disengagement? Here we go!

ONE – Responsibility: As I mentioned, the first step is taking personal and professional responsibility for your part in the situation. Even if you think you had NOTHING whatsoever to do with it, and that might even be true, then what might be true is this: you are in the wrong job, department, or company, and consider that you choose to go to work in this place everyday. Of course, at times we are all “whores for money”, with all due respect, and we feel choice-less and power-less. Sometimes this is true, sometimes it isn’t. If your words, thoughts, emotions, and actions (or lack thereof) have contributed to the conflict, take a long drink of truth, apologize for your part, work on making the situation better, and move on. This might take years, it might be messy, it is certainly scary, and it requires us to eat some humble pie. Do it anyway. Yum.

TWO – Effort: Don’t get lulled into thinking that being disinterested, detached, or dismissive is a version of being disengaged. This never works – again you are only adding fuel to the fire. Even if you sincerely think that this is your version of being disengaged, it is usually not perceived that way. Show some energy and enthusiasm so that others can see you are working towards a solution. At least try to put in a little effort… or a lot. The Japanese have a terrific expression: otsu kare sama deshita. It means, roughly: thank you for your time and effort. They say it often and with sincerity. I think English-speaking people could use this phrase more often in acknowledging the need for time and effort in all things. The Buddhists say that life is filled with suffering and demands great effort. So true.

THREE – Reasons: Take a long hard look at WHY you are in this situation. This is kinda deep psychological stuff here. Some philosophies say that everything happens for a reason, or that this person or situation is in your life at this time and place for a purpose. Perhaps this is true, and if it is, then what are you supposed to be learning? I am currently experiencing a conflict with yet another bully. I have failed many approaches to taking responsibility, avoiding, letting it go, and pushing forward. Now, I am committed once again to disengagement, so that my neutral zone can get a clearer perspective. What I now see is the why: this bully triggers all my buttons, going all the way back to my family, my ex-husband, and my contemporary ideas about equality in the workplace. Duh, it was there all along. What I do with this realization is crucial, and I intend to take responsibility for letting this bully trigger my buttons. I forgot for a moment that I do have control over my reactions. Oops.

FOUR – Truth: Tell the truth about the situation. If this truth threatens your job, then at least tell the truth to a mentor, your best friend, or another person of authority at work whom you trust (and be careful whom you trust). Saying out loud what is true, in a safe place with a sane person, will do wonders for engaging in disengagement and getting you on your way towards a solution. Beware: your mind might want to twist the truth, make the other person wrong, make you right (or vice versa). Just tell the simple truth, and let the person listening hold you to that goal. Then do what Dale Carnegie suggests about the worst-case scenarios. He asks: can you live with this? Can you work on solving this conflict? Can you take responsibility? Can you ask questions for clarity? Can you quit your job? Can you call the person out and tell the truth? Can you live in your Mom’s basement while you find a better situation? It might suck, but yes you can.

FIVE – Leadership: Another wise person, Tony Robbins, said that a true leader is someone who 1) sees the situation for what it is, not better or worse than it is… 2) imagines the situation better… 3) takes action to make the situation better. Number one, in my experience, seems to be the most challenging. It is hard to find this neutral zone, this observation of what is so from a genuinely disengaged place. Number two takes creativity and waking up the magician in us all – the voice who comes up with solutions, thinking out of the box if necessary, taking chances, risking. Number three is the key to moving forward. Without action, we are stuck in the conflict, in blaming, or being the victim… in embarrassment, or being the perpetrator. Action looks different in each and every situation; so make sure you lead yourself through this conflict situationally.

Finally, keep in mind that there is no way AROUND a conflict, only THROUGH one. Another wise person said this to me a long time ago, and I have never forgotten it. One more piece of advice: when in doubt, when all else fails, take a long, deep breath, and count to ten. May your personal and professional lives move forward in the neutral zone. Hang in there. You can do this.

For more information: www.VeloCityCoachingServices.com

WHITE ELEPHANTS: The Most Uncomfortable Moment for Coaches is Telling the Truth to Naked Emperors

 “No legacy is so rich as Honesty.”  – William Shakespeare

Hell of a day. Really gut-wrenching. While working with a client, the opportunity presented itself to shed light on an obvious and ugly fact regarding a very common problem for small business owners… at their company, the Emperor is Naked. Everyone knows it, everyone experiences it as negative, everyone wants it to go away. Everyone except, of course, the Emperor.

What to do? This dilemma that business coaches face can be a roadblock in our profession. If we tell the naked truth, we know it will be uncomfortable, and this may cause the client to shut down. If we pretend (like everyone else) that the Emperor is wearing clothes, then we avoid creating an awkward moment or two. Now, you might think option number two is unethical, and I would agree – I mean, aren’t coaches hired BECAUSE of our ability to speak the truth?

Like I said, hell of a day. Today, I chose once again to tell the truth, neutrally, succinctly, and diplomatically. I offered a clear and objective observation about the root cause of the company’s issues. The facts I pointed out are obvious, and the client heard my words with a shock of recognition. A little resistance, blame of the “other”, and a few excuses later, my client took a deep breath and nodded his head in acceptance. This is a good sign.

Then came what I call “the fallout”: when difficult information sinks in, we humans start to scramble up the data and twist it to our advantage. All this means is that we are fighting hard to reject the obvious, because if we see what is clearly there and we tell the truth about it (ie; bullying, avoiding, blaming, escaping, justifying, lying, sabotaging, hiding, fighting, dividing), then we will have to take action to make the situation better. And that level of discomfort most people are not willing to feel. In order to make the situation better, the Emperor will have to get off the throne, put on some clothes, and take responsibility for being naked.

I have always found it a little sad somehow that coaches are hired to tell the truths that everyone has ALREADY known for a long time, but dealing with these truths has taken a back seat to the choice of living with the muck for just a little bit longer. It seems that deception has become so normal, people start to believe the lies. Again, that is where coaches come in, and that’s why it is vital for coaches to choose door number one: tell the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it is, even if you think the client will blow up and fire your sorry ass. Never forget that you will have to wake up with yourself in the morning – who do you want to see staring back at you in the mirror? Good coaches walk the talk, otherwise we are big fat hypocrites.

Naked Emperors make my life as a coach truly uncomfortable, and I always find at least one while working on a contract. Of course it comes with the professional territory – if I can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen right? – but on days like today, I think I am not making enough money for the kind of gut-wrenching changes I help create. The carrot for me is the end result, and I stick to my program of offering clients ample opportunities to see what is already there, already known, already not working, and of course, already working very well. We coaches are just the messengers, and it takes courage to walk down this road less traveled. The reward is worth it, I remind myself.

My client has a few days to digest the information of the day, to let his mind fight it until his sanity takes over and hopefully he will decide to take action and improve the situation. I imagine how his monkey mind might continue to come up with a plethora of great reasons why the truth is a lie, and the lie is a truth. 1984. Love is Hate. War is Peace.

The soapbox session is over. Thanks for listening. Sometimes I wish I had never taken the red pill and woken up in the real world, but the alternative is not an option. Yep, hell of a day.

LEADERSHIP & GENDER: Are Women and Men Equal From the Neck Up?

“We need not just a new generation of leadership, but a new gender of leadership.” 

- Bill Clinton

For most of my life, I have been deeply reluctant to publicly bring up the subject of gender, mostly due to an ingrained fear of ridicule and being labeled incorrectly. I had found myself using buffer words and over-the-top diplomacy when discussing this vital topic, this proverbial white elephant in board rooms. I almost always added that I am a feminist, egalitarian, man-loving person, so that the listeners (or readers) will exhale with relief. Thank goodness I am not one of THOSE kinds of feminists, they secretly think. Heck, I don’t even like using the word feminist most of the time, as if the word itself diminishes my credibility as someone with something to contribute.

These thoughts and internal edits are death to an effective leader.

I will never forget the first time I conducted a Leadership for Women seminar. I had never before considered that the core skills of leadership would be any different for a man than for a woman. The words of my intense, egalitarian father stayed in my mind: “Men and women are equal from the neck up.” And I believed him. Even today, I struggle with seeing any difference due to the fact that my definition of a solid leader is inspired by the work of Tony Robbins. He shows leadership as engaging in three steps:

• First, see the situation for what it really it – not worse or better.
• Then, imagine the situation better than it is right now.
• Finally, take action and improve the situation.

I was not convinced that a man or a woman would understand these three steps any differently, and therefore had not separated the content of my leadership trainings regarding gender. And then one day… I noticed that the natural talent I have as a leader (I am genetically wired this way, ask anyone who has known me since birth) was not shared by many women I have worked with and known. I noticed the language, body posture, internal dialogues, apologetic approach, and tempo differences – among many other observations – that got in their way. So, I decided to offer specific leadership trainings for women.

I noticed cliches that we have all been fed rang true for many women leaders: fear of losing our femininity and ability to be vulnerable, fear of being labeled as a man-hater if we bring up issues that reek of gender discrimination, fear of confrontation with male bullies, fear of becoming a ‘bitch-leader’, fear of making mistakes and our gender being blamed for these failures, fear of having to work with and lead our least favorite demographic – arrogant white men over 50… all played a role in why many women have not yet taken their rightful place in leadership.

Most of my career has been spent with men, and I continue to sincerely love working with groups of men – engineers, CEOs, entrepreneurs, laborers, professionals, executives, writers, artists, financiers, IT geeks, and cooks. I love the atmosphere of manufacturing, of materials being produced, of cars, of machines, of operations, of numbers, and of ideas being put into solid action. The business world is dominated by men, the world of coaching and training is dominated by men, the media is dominated by men, the planet is dominated by men… so I decided very early on not to make my gender an issue. I ignored, rationalized, dismissed, and avoided this imbalance… until recently. Until I decided to offer leadership trainings specifically dealing with women’s unique issues and imbalances that prevent us from reaching our potentials.

The statistics are out: enterprises that are run by women, that have a balanced gender ratio, that are influenced by female leaders… are doing very well, in many cases better than the status quo. I am convinced that diversity in the workplace is a significant factor in successful companies and organizations – and among other categories such as race, age, social background, personality traits, and creed, mixed gender groups are indeed more successful. Ok, if these stats continue to become public knowledge, then why is gender still an issue regarding leadership? Does the planet need another 5000 years to get it? Will my best friend’s daughter grow up with the same cliches that I grew up with? Will the backlash discussed in Susan Faludi’s prize-winning book remain in place, further building up the glass ceiling most women face on a daily basis? She wrote: “Far from being ‘liberated,’ American women in the 1980s were victims of a powerful backlash against the handful of small, hard-won victories the feminist movement had achieved.” Here we are in 2011 and although the stats of female opportunities are slightly brighter, it is  shameful how much the gender issue is still a factor that prevents women towards leadership.

If men and women are equal from the neck up (metaphorically speaking), then why are women leaders still apologizing, buffer-wording, and putting up with all this nonsense? Even feeling compelled to write about this subject after almost 100 years of emancipation – since gaining the right to vote and the “women’s movement” of the 60’s and 70’s – feels, well, annoying. I imagine that people of color understand this and shake their heads in disbelief when the mainstream media continues to shred the first black US president with unapologetic bravado. Politics aside (I did not vote Republican or Democrat), there is a level of respect for the presidency that seems to have fallen through the cracks of our society. I was brought up to believe that anything is possible, that the US is a land of opportunity. My teachers and role-models forgot to include information about gender discrimination and its insidious nature. Race is being handled in a similar way it seems, but I digress.

When I spent many years in Japan, I experienced gender discrimination all the time. When I came back to the US, my expectations were that this nonsense would not be an issue. Here is what I discovered: it was more comfortable for me to see, feel, and hear the gender discrimination in Japan because it was not hidden. In the US where women supposedly have equal rights and opportunities, it has been much much worse because apparently we do have equal opportunity here… so what is MY problem? If you want to hear the stories, give me a call. For now, trust me when I say I have never experienced such deep-rooted gender discrimination than here in my own country. Perhaps this is because I am a leader, usually smarter than my clients (that’s why I get hired in the first place, right?!), and I don’t engage in an apologetic approach to leadership. I am diplomatic and appropriate, yes, AND I tell the truth and get results. That’s what a good coach does.

If I am wrong, so be it. Brain research is discovering neuro-scientific differences, hormonal variations, and other bio-chemical distinctions that show we are not actually equal from the neck up either. But as I said, this is a metaphor, and I have observed for almost three decades that leadership, for one thing, is a talent that both genders do terribly or successfully, depending on the leaders themselves and not on their gender (or race, creed, social background, education, etc).

Women I know, who are inclined towards leadership, are struggling. We share a common bond and silent understanding of the glass ceilings we face on a daily basis. And we are done. Perhaps for the first time in history, female leaders are starting to approach leadership WITHOUT an apology, and articles such as this one are going public, also without an apology (nor anger, blaming, or superiority). This is new, this is the gender revolution of the 21^st Century. Women such as global journalist Christianne Amanpour, online media mogul Ariana Huffington, and Secretaries of State Madeleine Albright and Hilary Clinton have made it easier for us.

Now, I and many others are expecting the moment when these extraordinary women do not get one single comment thrown at them regarding their clothes, bodies, husbands or hairstyles. Then, and only then, will we know that women leaders have taken their different but equal place at the dinner table of business, politics, and society. Until then, chin up. Don’t worry, there will be another moment of gender discrimination on your horizon when your leadership will be challenged because you wear a bra. These are priceless opportunities to continue on your paths and move forward, resolving to contribute as a solid leader, in spite of these obstacles. Keep on swimming… you are not alone.

PS: Emancipation is not a one-way street. To those of you who have engaged in gender discrimination or have been intimidated by extraordinary women leaders: you are missing out. We don’t want to take over, we are not engaging in superiority tactics… instead, we want to share our version of cooperation, inclusion, and diversity that are at the core of our unique leadership talents. Leadership is our right as human beings, too. Make an effort to let go of an imbalanced version of control and finally embrace that there are many ways to skin a cat. We need you, you need us, and we are in this leadership gig together.

BIOGRAPHIES: A Message to Speakers, Authors, and Business Owners on Shameless Self Promotion

“Boxing was the only career where I wouldn’t have to start out at the bottom.

I had a good resume.”  – Sugar Ray Leonard

Seems that I spend much of my career-business coaching hours on sales and marketing, bios and curriculum vitae. And it seems that almost every client I have ever worked with says the exact same thing, over and over again: “I’m good at promoting and bragging about others, just not about myself. It feels impossible… What do I say?!” Of course, this lack of skill (at least in our own minds) to express all our qualities, quirks, and qualifications in black and white terrifies most of us. Even for really arrogant and cocky people. My theory is simple: when we write it down and format it in an official way (Bio, Resume, CV, marketing materials, website content, etc), it all becomes glaringly real. We look at these documents, read over every word, and ask ourselves: Did I (or my company) really do all that… and is this really me (my company)?

Here is someone who answers: Yes, you did… and yes, it is.

Hiring Managers and Decision-Makers know that self promotion comes with a twist – they look for information between the lines, possible embellishments, and any trace of in-authenticity. If they are good, they will know if what they are reading is real or not, exaggerated to the slippery slope of falsehood or embellished in that “normal” kind of Bio/Resume/CV way. The key is making sure that what you have included, you can deliver. If you can do that, then shamelessly promote yourself to your heart’s content.

A simple example: I once had a client who was genuinely brilliant, and had begun to engage in public speaking for local professional organizations. Most of his gigs were pro bono, but the exposure and experience gained was worth the generous contribution of his time. He was also a pretty solid speaker, and was often asked to return. I heard this story, took notes, and created a position for him called Public Speaker and Meeting Presenter. I noted where he had spoken to date, and a little information about his topic focus. I also added this info to his bio. Well, when he saw this, two things happened: first he felt proud and deeply inspired, and then immediately after this feeling, he felt deeply uncomfortable. “Can I say that?” he asked. “Can you speak and present publicly and are you any good at it?” I returned. Without a hesitation, he said “Yes.”  He wasn’t lying to me or to himself – he is a solid speaker and presenter, and in that moment, he knew it down to his gut. Voila… an excellent example of how shameless self promotion can work. He got over it, and we added it to his CV and bio.

One more thing to consider: do not lie. Do not falsify information or embellish to the point of nonrecognition. This is not only unethical and creates bad career karma, it is illegal and might burn bridges for you. Ok, you have been warned. Good career coaches have a talent for understanding this fine line, this gray area of documentation. However, we also adhere to a code of integrity that prevents us from stepping over a certain professional line. Just saying…

Here are three points to consider and two examples of Bios I have done recently. One is for a client who has been getting more public speaking engagements for his work with leadership and working in global IT environments (name/details are changed to protect client’s privacy), and the other one is mine. I change it every so often to update the content and relevance, but the nuts and bolts of writing a good one is there. Before you get down to writing, first consider these points:

• PERSONALITY: yes we want to know all about your Harvard PhD’s and all those awesome clients you have worked with, but where is your character and personality? Beware of dry language and lists. Some lists are unavoidable, so pepper in some creative images. Use a thesaurus and take advantage of the 500K words in our rich English language.

• ONE MINUTE COMMERCIAL: this is similar to your one minute commercial in that you might want to include a few key pieces of information – name, location, durations, title/position/job, industries or environments, qualifications/education (if applicable), clients or company names, and results. You can add testimonials to this as well, but I place mine on the last page of my CV after references. A good bio is like an expanded one minute commercial.

• RELEVANT and UPDATED: I recommend keeping this updated because, as the saying goes… you never know. It is also a good idea to have a few versions, depending on the “slant” you need. Most careers are pretty complex in my experience, so make sure you keep the data relevant and updated to fit all the different things you do. I have focused on HR, leadership and operations for the past decade, and have a slightly different bio for each of these arenas. I also have two different CV styles, by the way, to match either conservative or more casual work environments.

___________________________________________________________________

BIO EXAMPLE ONE:

PROFESSIONAL BIO – John Smith

John Smith is a 22-year professional of the IT, Systems Analysis, Business Analysis, Customer and Vendor Liaison, Strategic Planning, and Project Management arenas. His career began as a Technical Writer and grew into IT Consulting, Quality Assurance, Team Leadership, and Personnel Development, which has culminated into successfully managing numerous projects in various roles including Senior Program Manager. His expertise has been developed mainly in corporate environments at global firms including Lockheed Martin, DTE Energy, and Ford Motor Company.

John has a solid reputation for his exceptional leadership skills, and his natural talent for effectively navigating through complex projects, plans, and people. His ability to bring diverse teams together into a focused forward momentum is what makes him unique. As a dedicated leader and manager in IT, Program and Project Management, he  has created measurable results and proven success by analyzing business requirements, relying on his extensive technical knowledge, and designing and implementing creative and strategic solutions that improve productivity, communication, information flow, customer satisfaction, and employee performance. Working on budgets up to $5M, he is also known for bringing in projects on target and under budget.

Currently, John is a Senior Program Manager in the Global IT Application Division at Ford Motor Company. He has a BS in Information Technology from the University of Michigan, and is an MBA Candidate in Management from Walsh College. In addition, he regularly engages in professional development education, and has participated in countless seminars and workshops in the areas of Leadership, Project Management, Six Sigma Lean Manufacturing, and IT Applications. He is an active member of the Michigan Council of Technology Professionals as a Mentor in their Mentoring Program and a regular Public Speaker and Meeting Presenter at various foundations and professional organizations including Young Leadership Council, Professional Leaders and Entrepreneurs, and the Project Management Institute. For more information, please visit…

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BIO EXAMPLE TWO:

BIO – Michele Wilke

With 25+ years in the professional coaching and training industry, Michele Wilke brings an extensive background to HR, team building, operations, international business, systems development / documentation, and leadership. She began her career on the West Coast getting trained in coaching and studying applied behavioral psychology at the Kairos Foundation in San Jose, California. The core of this in-depth, often challenging training remains in her work today. Michele also comes from a long line of business owners, and grew up working in her family’s printing and advertising business. There, she began to develop and collect valuable hands-on, soft and hard skill business tools.

In 1988, she relocated to Kyoto, Japan and spent eight years working as an adjunct professor in the Japanese university system focusing on HR and communication courses, and also as a cross-cultural management trainer and coach at a variety of companies including IBM Japan, Mitsubishi, and Omron. Opportunity brought her to Regensburg, Germany for almost nine years, into the heart of BMW, Siemens, Bavarian engineering, and the German autobahn. There she trained and coached executives, business owners, and culturally varied teams in the areas of HR restructuring, team building, diversity and cross-cultural communication, leadership, operations, and strategic planning. Once again, she taught as an adjunct professor specializing in international HR, international management, international marketing, east-west studies, personality profiling and cross-cultural training.

Michele returned to the US in 2004, and has continued to coach and train around the country in various industries including manufacturing, financial services, culinary-hospitality, and health care. Corporate clients include Google, Live Nation, Home Depot, Nicholas-Applegate Capital Management, and AxleTech International – A General Dynamics Company, as well as small to medium sized businesses, sole-proprietors, and municipalities.

Finally, she regularly educates and inspires groups with her insightful public speaking engagements and workshops. Topics include: Team Building, Recruiting, Communication, Leadership, Conflict Solutions, Global Business Alignment, Project Management, and Change Management. She offers high-performance and high-accountability tools and solutions that support clients, participants, teams and companies to go from good… to achieving the extraordinary. Michele Wilke has the tenacity of an Olympic athlete and the patience of a saint. For more information, please visit: www.velocitycoachingservices.com.    

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There are a thousand ways to do this.

First step is to dive in and start promoting your talents or services.

Get to work writing (on your own if you can write – or get professional help).

Shamelessly, of course.

EXIT STRATEGIES: Waking up the Magician, Creating a Plan B, and Sleeping Better at Night

“Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them – and then, the opportunity to choose.”    – C Wright Mills

Now that’s what I call a quote with a punch. Amen. First, I love the fact that choices still seem to exist in our small spheres of influence. The frustration that most of us feel when looking for work, for contracts, for a love interest, for a new friendship… lies mostly in the glaring fact that we must rely on other people’s “power” over us. If a Hiring Manager likes us, if a prospective Client wants to work with us, if a beautiful person we just met wants to have a second date, or if a neighbor wants to accept an invitation to a BBQ party – these are all choices that other people make, choices that can change our realities overnight.

Ok, I get it. We do not live in vacuums (no matter how much we try!), and we are all inter-dependent on the decisions of others. For a Rugged Individualist like myself, this has always been a tough pill to swallow. BUT… I still see that I do have choices, and that this inter-dependent dance is one key to a life worth living. And now, I must admit out loud that my fierce independence has finally hit a wall.

Like many people during this New Millennium, I am at a crossroads. I have used this time to re-invent the direction in my life, and have chosen to shift gears from owning a business to working for others… for awhile anyway, until I can collect enough know-how and cash to be successful in a new enterprise. This transition has been, well, bloody hard. Excruciatingly difficult. Almost as challenging as getting my divorce in a foreign country or watching my Mom shrink into the body of a dying woman. For the past 7 years, I have been diving back into the culinary world and have had my share of successes and failures – but I am still alive and kicking, thank you. Always, always, always having an exit strategy has helped me sleep better at night, whether I have had to use it or not.

I relocated to New Orleans to absorb and swim around the foodie culture in this famous culinary city. The doors have not exactly been open, the jobs have not exactly been in abundance, and my intention to gain valuable experience has not exactly matched my optimism. I have hit another wall with graffiti that says: you are not us, you are not from here, you are not the right age, you are not the right gender, and you don’t have the right background. Hmmm. Sucks. Really?! Ok, time to look at Reality in the face and admit “defeat”. I use quotes because this is just another bump in the road of career transitions, and I know better. Onwards.

I have always been a big fan of living life with a PLAN B. Some of my colleagues who only focus on the positive (how DO they do this?!) may disagree with this advice, but I have noticed that having a solid Plan B has not only been useful during hard times, it has also helped me see WHAT IS SO around me, so that I can live in the now as much as possible and keep my ostrich head out of the sand. A Plan B offers me the opportunity to choose, to engage in alternatives, and to wake up the Magician inside my mind who sees limitless possibilities and helps propel me into a new direction. Then I can exhale, and suddenly life is once again my oyster. Still inter-dependent, but my own nonetheless.

EXIT STRATEGIES TO CONSIDER:

• Personal Relationships: if you find yourself in a very harmful relationship, and your immense efforts to create a positive direction have failed, it’s time to look at alternatives. If you think you can’t possibly live in your best friend’s basement, think again. You can. The only thing keeping you from leaving your partner is your mind, because you are more resilient than you give yourself credit for. Your Plan B is staring at you in the face, and the basement you will live in for awhile, even with your 5 children, is not as horrible as you think. Not saying it’s easy – it’s just not as horrible as your mind thinks.

• Professional Relationships: if you find yourself in a dead-end job, with colleagues and bosses who are not in alignment with your values, it’s time to look at alternatives. If you think you can’t possibly get another job in this economy, think again. You can. It may take you months, or even years, but the fact that your mind has created excuses for their unethical, unprofessional, and inappropriate behavior is what’s keeping you stuck. Your Plan B is staring at you in the face, and becoming a Job-Seeker or an Entrepreneur (if that’s your thing) is not as challenging as you think. Not saying it’s easy – it’s just not as challenging as your mind thinks.

• Business Ownership: if you find yourself with unpaid bills, no credit, and no prospects for new business, it’s time to look at alternatives. If you think you can’t possibly let go of your “baby” with all the sweat equity you have invested, think again. You can. Your ego is at the core of why you are convinced that going deeper into the rabbit hole of debt is a good idea. It isn’t. Get professional help to see if your business can be turned around (find the money to do this – beg, borrow, or steal it if you have to), find an investor, or… trust your gut if it says it’s time to move on. Your Plan B is staring at you in the face, and joining the Failed Business Club is not as humiliating as you think. Not saying it’s easy – it’s just not as humiliating as your mind thinks.

• Geography and Property: if you find yourself in a town that no longer resonates with you, and your material possessions have become like anchors sinking you into the earth, it’s time to look at alternatives. If you think you can’t possibly start from scratch, build up a new network of friends and neighbors, or sell your expensive house and become a renter, think again. You can. Of course there are exceptions – your sister is dying of cancer and you need to take care of her – however, moving to a new area, selling your home, and trading in your expensive car for something more economical are possibilities. No really, they are. Your Plan B is staring at you in the face, and starting fresh with almost nothing is not as scary as you think. Not saying it’s easy – it’s just not as scary as your mind thinks.

• Asking for Help with a capital H: if you find yourself in a position in which you can no longer succeed alone, it’s time to look at alternatives. If you think you would die from embarrassment and shame and can’t possibly ask for help with a capital H, think again. You won’t and you can. Once again, your ego is at the core of why you might find it unimaginable to ask someone for a loan, or a place to crash for a few months, or a shoulder on which to vent your frustrations. Your friends and family are there to support you… and if you are truly alone on the planet, you can get help with a capital H at your nearest church (if applicable), foundation, or community social services program. Your Plan B is staring at you in the face, and asking for assistance and guidance is not as embarrassing as you think. Not saying it’s easy – it’s just not as embarrassing as your mind thinks.

The last one resonates for me big time. Last Monday afternoon, my best friend reminded me that I may want to start letting others take care of me for a change. She added that I may be handicapped in this regard because I was not exactly raised in a nurturing environment and that the thought of being taken care of is truly foreign. My fierce independence has been a blessing most of my life… until now. I need help, I need to shift gears once again, and I need to learn how to let down my guard long enough to accept that people will take care of me… if I ask. So I did.

I am about to embark on the next chapter of this transition, and have decided to leave New Orleans. It is sad, yes, and I will miss the energy of this awesome city. And… my Plan B has been to relocate to a more progressive and inclusive town, either near the ocean or near mountains, and to continue on this culinary path towards eventually having my own café or food truck or an awesome position in the food business. My heart was pounding in my head when I wrote to a couple old friends in the Denver area, and asked about the possibility of me moving there and getting their help. And guess what happened, much to my surprise…?

They said an unfettered yes, come to Colorado, you can stay in our houses, meet our friends, network with our professional contacts, and all will be well. My mind did not expect this to be so easy. Instead, I had made up a story that they would think I was a loser and would only offer help with pity or obligation in their hearts. Well, this scenario could not have been farther from the truth. I woke up on Tuesday morning with a light step, a deeper sense of inner peace, and self-deprecating laughter on my lips. I mean, what a joke I have been, thinking that I can not allow people to take care of me. Even coaches get it painfully wrong sometimes! I also have another Plan B moving forward which involves a longer-term contract in Chicago working with a current client on his HR department. So, one of these Plan Bs is going to work somehow, as all of my Plan Bs have worked in the past.

Is it really this simple? Yes, it is. Engaging in an exit strategy is not as bad as any of us think.

LOCALS ONLY NEED APPLY: Hidden Hiring Practices & How to Overcome Them

“Discrimination is a disease.” – Roger Staubach

First a brief disclaimer: This article is not intended to offend the brave souls who actually engage in EOE (Equal Opportunity Employment). Instead, it is being written in response to countless instances in which discrimination has hindered careers moving forward, and for no other reason than say, being a woman, or Hispanic, or a Yankee. I am looking for work again, and I just read this on a Craigslist ad for a large, local restaurant chain:

“Local candidates true to southern hospitality are encouraged to apply.”

When I first arrived in Southeast Louisiana in the spring of 2010, I worked with a recruiter who specializes in the hospitality/culinary industry. After several attempts to land an interview for me (and failing), she flat out told me to wait at least a year. She offered advice that still stings in my ears: “you are not a local… talk to me in a year and then we’ll see if that helps. Good luck.”

With a solid background in culinary savvy San Francisco as well as solid culinary experience in Asia and Europe, recruiters love me and my CV. They are powerless, however, to get past insipid forms of discrimination. Yep, I am not a local. I was not born in New Orleans. Therefore, I must be handicapped because of this, since we all know that only those from the south understand the concept of good food and service? I guess these Hiring Managers have never had the pleasure of dining elsewhere…

I decided to relocate to New Orleans last year BECAUSE of the culinary industry and famous food culture of this area. Yes, this is a foodie city indeed. Love it. But so are San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Austin, Miami, Seattle, Kyoto, Rome, Berlin, Shanghai, Sydney, Bangkok… (if I did not mention your fine city, my apologies). I did my research and knew that there is a “locals only” mentality here, but in my naiveté I did not pay much attention to this. Silly me. Oops. Now what do I do? How do I overcome this “hidden” obstacle?

Here are some options I have considered:

• Move to a different area. Live and work in a place where the melting pot of the US is not a big deal. East Coast, West Coast, and places like Austin, Chicago, and Boulder Colorado all come to mind.
• Stop applying online, via recruiters and even through other connections. Start showing up in a suit, resume in hand, a pep in my step, a smile on my face. See what happens.
• Add more local references with 504 numbers to my CV, even though they are not professional references.
• Word my cover letter to include that I am not a local, but I am a local in spirit and want to stay in the area. Gently talk about the “white elephant”. Use self-deprecating humor.
• Change professions, get a McJob, and call it a day.

I just got off the phone with a local contact. She is in a similar situation as I am but she knows EVERYBODY in town. She is going to introduce me to some of her contacts this week – owners who are opening up new restaurants and need someone with my extensive background. Fingers crossed. She is the flip side of what I am writing about: she is helpful, open-minded, and inclusive by nature. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Or perhaps this is “bad karma” I am working off. I recently hired three people for my last contract job, and observed that the company needed more men. Most of the front of house staff is female who are fairly thin-skinned and not physically strong. The company needed strength, stamina and thicker skins, and therefore I set out to hire more men to create a balance. Too much estrogen (or testosterone) in a team is not effective – a mixed demographic creates a more successful team. Recent statistics are proving this: the more diverse a group, the better for the company. So, I hired two men, young and strong and qualified… and one woman who is similar to the people the owners usually hired (I hired her because my gut also told me that she would be a solid, long-term employee). Maybe the difficulties I am having as a non-local is my own bad karma? Hmm…

My gut tells me at the time of this article, that New Orleans may not be a place I will set down roots. Then again, maybe I will. Hard to tell at this point. If these hidden obstacles continue to thwart my progress, I may not have a choice but to find my fortune elsewhere. Not ready to give up quite yet, but yeah… I am getting close. Unfortunately, I cannot change my gender, age, race or place of birth. I am kind of tired of hearing that it’s ok that I am from the West Coast… good thing I am not a Yank. I hear this on a semi-regular basis. What this message feels like is this: “you are not us, go back where you came from”. I realize that sounds harsh. Keep in mind that it is merely a reflection of some of the harsher realities here.

So what to do? I will continue to develop my famous thick skin. I will continue to network my network. I will continue to post CVs, pound the pavement, work with recruiters, and pray. And I will continuously tweak the wording in my communications to local Hiring Managers… and include information about me being a local in spirit. I will show up in a suit with my CV and a smile. Locals often say that all the people who live in New Orleans have CHOSEN to be here. Crazy as this seems, people like me have chosen to live here, too. But I cannot stay if the doors remain shut to outsiders.

In the last two weeks, there have been 13 armed robberies in the neighborhood where I just finished a contract job. Two break-in-and-enter rapes occurred last weekend about a mile from my flat. We live in a sinkhole here and the levees so far have saved us from the rising Mississippi. So far so good. But for how long, and is this a viable place to lay down some roots? Right now, my gut says no. Even with the justice department and FBI’s presence here since Katrina, things have NOT improved. The local culture is perhaps too attached to business as usual. So be it. Fair enough.

And Southeast Louisiana will lose good folks like me, who love this adopted city and want to contribute to making New Orleans an even better place. Having worked and lived overseas (Asia and Europe) for much of my professional career, and having the good fortune of finding success in these foreign countries, it would seem that a little place like New Orleans would not be so challenging. Argh. Time will tell, indeed. Stay tuned.

Moral of the story? Networking is key. Period. And (almost) EVERYTHING takes longer than any of us plan for… Perhaps it’s time to re-open  my file called PLAN B? Onwards.

GROWING PAINS: Be careful what you ask for!

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?”  – John Keats

I am working with an intelligent, ambitious, and highly qualified client – a gifted and trail-blazing doctor who wants to transition from being an employee to being an independent contractor. His journey into self-employment has been slow, as his knee-jerk reaction to change is to take risks at a snails pace, struggling with making a final decision. He is a “mediator type”, which means he will err on the side of “wait and see”. That’s all fine and good, except when engaging in a 180 degree life-changing transition. Bottom line, he needs to say YES or NO to this process. At that point, a coach/expert like me can work with him with success. Before that point, indecision creates too much of a murky and ambiguous environment to guide him forward.

Does this sound familiar? It has certainly sounded familiar to me…

Whether we are making personal or professional decisions, most of us get stuck. Getting stuck can resemble questions without answers, like an endless tape in our minds that won’t shut off. Some common questions are:

• What do I want to be when I “grow up” and how can I make that happen?
• Would my life be better off if I shift from X to Y… or would it be worse long-term?
• What levels of risk are acceptable and/or unacceptable?
• What are potential rewards and/or consequences of this transition?
• What am I willing to do to create that which I wish to create?
• What resources do I have (time, money, sweat equity, support, talents, skills)?
• Do I have what it takes to live with the uncomfortable growing pains during the process?
• Should I stay or should I go?

Once these questions are answered, people have a better chance of taking action and making something extraordinary happen. When these questions stay in the loop of the mind, we are like rats running on perpetual wheels, investing energy but living on the road to nowhere. My primary job as a coach is to help create positive forward momentum for my clients. What that looks like is as unique as each situation demands. However, the commonality I continue to witness in regards to getting stuck makes me groan out loud. Life is ALREADY filled with a lot of gray areas, so the choices that we DO have need to be taken, either way. This is the sign of a mature life fully lived; otherwise we are like walking, talking metaphors for checking out and settling for mediocrity. Have we forgotten that we are here on Earth for a reason? What is our special purpose?

At the center of this ambiguous reluctance to jump into the abyss of the unknown… is FEAR. Yep, good old-fashioned fear. Rarely do clients admit this openly, but it is quickly apparent from where I’m sitting. I offer my mantra (inspired by Susan Jeffers): Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. That seems to help at first. Then when the transition process steps up to a new level, I notice clients getting VERY stuck, and I’ll sense something even heavier than fear. So I ask: what is REALLY holding us back?

And this is what I have discovered in about 90% of the people and companies I work with: human beings are NOT exactly willing to feel uncomfortable in order to shift something and get what they want. Period. Instead, we continue to engage in the definition of insanity and go about our business with our status quo mentalities, while expecting a different outcome. We really can be morons sometimes no matter how good our intentions are (lol!). In “coach speak”, what REALLY gets us stuck is that us human beings just can’t be bothered to put in the effort and walk the talk, to be uncomfortable, to live gracefully through the process of change. It’s just too darn hard. We give up, and we remain loyal (and addicted) to “reality is how we do things around here” because we are not willing to live with the growing pains. Somewhere in our cultures, we were taught that life should be easier or that we can avoid growing pains. Sure we know this is not true intellectually, but in practice, we seem to react like children when it comes to life’s demands on our efforts. We cry, we complain, we rationalize, we blame, we avoid, we pound our fists in the air, and we give up way way way too easily.

Personally, I could easily picture life sitting on a beach, boogie boarding, reading, swimming, watching bands play music, and cooking the days away… And yet, I get it that life is hard and demands great effort, too. Therefore, when life gets tough (I mean really tough), I fully feel the pain AND I move forward in spite of my trepidation. I act as if. This is key to many success stories – fully acknowledging that growth is painful, fully feeling the fear, fully doing it anyway, and fully acting as if. Either way, we need to make a choice to stay or go, to hang out in the muck of limbo or move forward with a smile on our lips.

Living a “100% Life” is not for everyone, however. It is the Road Less Traveled, indeed. An “80% Life” is pretty darn good actually, but for some people it is not enough. Our vision includes the desire to offer (extraordinary) contributions to the earth. And to those inspiring souls, I dedicate this article. Thank you for your efforts. To the rest, if you want something to improve and you are no longer willing to be stuck, then please learn to say YES to a little (or a lot of!) discomfort. You will be amazed by how quickly your lives can positively change. The world needs your energy, large and small – it’s time to make a difference and shine, however that looks like for you, your families, your teams, your companies, your communities, your planet.

By the way, my “mediator” doctor client made the final decision to become self-employed, gave up a very lucrative offer for an employee position, and is on his way towards professional independence. I couldn’t be prouder. He has chosen his version of a 100% Life. Ready to join him?

Just saying…

For more info: www.VeloCityCoachingServices.com

TAX TIME 2011: “I’ve changed my name to General Electric!”

“I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.”

– Mark Twain

I just read 100 comments posted on the Yahoo News site in response to a recent article about “tax excuses the IRS won’t buy”. Good place to vent with a few intelligent posts, and one made me laugh out loud: “I’ve changed my name to General Electric so I don’t have to pay taxes for 2010.” Funny in a dark way. Funny in a way that makes us groan inside.

GE made 14 billion in profits in 2010, didn’t pay a dollar in taxes, and got their PR machine to defend this unbelievable fact with data about their write-offs being connected to helping the environment. Lots of technical things GE does with energy allow them to skirt taxes because of their contribution to helping the planet’s environment and working towards renewable energy sources. Great idea. Heart-felt applause. No, really.

In practice, however, PLU’s (people like us) gasp in anger and contempt. For the record, thank you GE for trying to make the world a better place and thank you for employing people. But if that is a criteria, then what about teachers, moms, coaches, therapists, artists, entrepreneurs, or restaurateurs? We make the world a better place, and we don’t see oodles of loopholes waiting for us at our CPA’s. Ok, yeah we do. We look for ways to creatively account our line items towards paying less taxes. Guilty as charged. And that’s the problem. We are ALL looking for a way out, and we are ALL very good at rationalizing this.

Perhaps this problem can be balanced out by imposing an extra tax on professions whose livelihoods do not contribute to the planet. Stock brokers, for example, or companies that create pollution (BP: are you listening?) will have to pay a special tax for their blood-sucking work. (A personal apology to all the financial planners with skills to help us! You would be exempt.)

Furthermore, another solution can be found via the flat tax. This argument has not worked thus far, according to one venting post: “the only reason why the flat tax favored by the MAJORITY of Americans will not fly is because all the lawyers and others who benefit from translating tax laws will be out of business – and their lobby will not stand for it.” This resonates as true. Perhaps another reason why the flat tax approach has not yet happened is because it makes too much sense. Heaven forbid we do something intelligent and fair. Where are Flat Tax Lobbyists and Flat Tax Political Candidates when we need them most? Help.

Taxes are a privilege to pay as well. Don’t forget your local library (if it hasn’t yet closed due to lack of funding!). Don’t dismiss local pools, hospitals, and freeways. If we privatize everything, what will happen when food and water shortages happen (in our lifetime, according to scientists), and PLU’s don’t have the funds to cover these extra costs? Laissez-faire capitalism is alive and well in the world, contrary to popular news, and this is the path the planet seems to be taking: privatize the planet and eat the poor.

Currently, I am officially living below the poverty level, although I live a middle-class lifestyle. This is changing as my financial/employment situation is about to take a positive turn. I just sent W-2 and W-4 forms to my CPA since I worked both as an employee and as an independent contractor (sole-proprietor business ownership) in 2010. I made … drum roll… 13K and lived off the last of my savings (my investments are gone). Thank goodness I have a natural talent for living frugally (and no house or kids to support). This same story is being told with different plot twists all over the country. And we are tired… but still hopeful. This is the strength of human resilience.

Curious about what the IRS will say about my situation, I did some research about PLU’s. I found out that I am still too rich to get help or a break. The main reasons are:

• I still own a car.
• I still pay all my bills on time.
• I still have a credit rating that is low risk for lending institutions.

So if I stop paying my bills on time, get rid of my car, and let my credit score slip into oblivion, I will then officially be living in the poverty belt where help is available. Metaphorically speaking, my situation is classic in which I have fallen through the cracks of the system. The only thing keeping me from really going under is fear. The good kind. The kind that makes me wake up everyday, and start from zero. It’s a new day.

Personally, I have never felt cheated by paying taxes. Instead, it is a privilege of living in society with luxuries such as cars and roads to drive them on. At the same time, the waste of money in this country alone is appalling (private and public equally), our roads suck, our police forces are corrupt, and don’t even get the conversation started on the public school system. Shame on us. All governments and all businesses are either run well or not, mostly not. I don’t adhere to the current American climate that is polarized into actually believing that all governments are good/bad, and all businesses are good/bad. They are all run by humans, and are therefore intrinsically flawed. Yep, I’m mad as hell as much as the next guy. But…

I am still not willing to NOT pay taxes for a society that somehow works. Kinda. I wonder if General Electric understands this. I think not. Shame on them, too.

For more info: www.VeloCityCoachingServices.com

A great CPA firm: www.mhccpas.com